I have been looking at it, since then I can't stop thinking about it. I thought everything went well, but then I think maybe not. Something might went wrong. And then I flip through all the pages, trying to get some clues. Maybe I should have ask, but maybe I won't get the answer. Perhaps I am expected to know the answer. It feels really disturbing to be in doubt, I hate it, especially when you think you're supposed to keep quiet because raising questions is only going to make you embarrassed. I don't know what can I do anymore. I mean I want to make things better but I couldn't figure out how. Anyway, I don't want to be sad, I don't want to go to bed sad, so I watch before sunset, and felt a little bit better, but not good enough to say I'm happy. I mean the movie's good but my emotional state, no. You know...I think...the idea of 2015 is a brand new year...and the whole "new year, new hope" thing...they are plain stupid. I try to be positive and hopeful when the clock strikes 12, but why should I try? I mean when I am not feeling hopeful, why do I need to force myself to feel hopeful? It's stupid. There's only me and myself in the room. There's no need to pretend. I wouldn't even fool myself with the thought of "I will wake up feeling better tomorrow" because I know I will feel even more depressed if I wake up feeling like shit. I will just tell myself, "Life sucks. Go to bed and expect nothing for tomorrow", it works better this way.