crowd of one

I'm so angry  I didn't want to start the post this way but I can't pretend I am not angry  and I'm right to be angry  I'm startled like what was that  I have never seen anything like this  I can never begin to comprehend  how could someone  how could someone be so selfish  he never consider the others  how could someone be so ungrateful  he never remember what he's received from the others how could someone be so unkind  he never know how to be a decent human being  how could someone be so immature  he never have self control  well, what do I expect  it's post fall after all  until Christ returns

sometimes I don’t like all of you I look at your faces and I want to puke there’s so much rage in me  it’s unhealthy  but that’s normal for Asian no one talks about things we just sweep it under the rug and we love playing the game of let’s see who can’t take it anymore and then he can be the first one to talk I hate how peaceful it is I hate how good everyone else is at playing the game I hate how good we are at hurting each other  I hate how good we are at putting ourselves before another  I wish I could do better  and I should do better because I have the gospel Sorry Lord I have sinned against you and done what is evil in your sight 

I looked at what I wrote many years ago and thought that they’re really cool, though some of them make me cringe now.   I wonder what was I thinking and what was I feeling when I was writing each of them.  They just don’t feel familiar.  It feels like reading someone else’s writings.   I don’t feel like I know me-ed.  It’s strange.  I miss me-ed, the girl who loves to pen down her thoughts and expressing herself with words.  I want to know her.  I want to know what it feels like to be her.  It feels like I lost her somewhere along the way or forgotten her like how Woody’s owner had forgotten him.  It’s just poof and here we are, total strangers.  What happened?  I bet she didn’t see this coming.  I am almost unrecognizable.  But thank you Dash and Lily, I probably shouldn’t start a sentence with but, I promise I’m gonna change that.  It feels good to be back.